Rewrites

“So, what’s the book about?”

“I really think you’ll dig it. It focuses on a guy who wakes up from a coma only to discover the world has been taken over by zombies.”

“Zombies, really?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Haven’t they, you know, been done before?”

“Well yeah, sure, of course they have. Anyone with AMC knows that. But never like this. You see, the guy wakes up and he’s blind-”

“Blind?”

“-yeah, blind. And deaf and dumb. He has no way of knowing what has happened and is still happening all around him. Bet you’ve never seen that before.”

“Well no, of course not.”

“Thought not.”

“So what happens exactly?”

“Well he wakes up, obviously. Wouldn’t be much of a story if he didn’t.”

“Sure.”

“Then he…”

“Then he?”

“Why am I telling you this. You’ll have to read it and find out.”

“I don’t really like zombie novels. Even dumb ones.”

“What?”

“Even deaf and dumb ones. I don’t like them.”

“But this one’s different, I told you.”

“Different how, apart from the blind, deaf and dumb thing?”

“Well…”

“What?”

“Aliens.”

“There’s aliens?”

“Yeah sure. Why not. Like I said, you’ll have to read it.”

“No, alien stuff has never really been my thing either. Zombies and aliens together sounds pretty silly, so I think I’ll pass.”

“Fine.”

“Hey, don’t be like that. I’m sure you’ve got some good stuff going on between those pages, I’m just not sure it’s for me is all.”

“Yeah, well, I haven’t even mentioned the best part yet.”

“You haven’t told me about the best part? You maybe should have led with that.”

“Yeah, but-”

“What is it?”

“Well he wakes up to a world overrun with zombies…”

“Yeah, I got that part.”

“But he’s blind, deaf-”

“And dumb. Yeah, got that bit too.”

“At the beginning of Act 2 the aliens turn up to harvest all human life.”

“And inhuman life, I guess.”

“Obviously. They’re super-advanced so they can adapt.”

“Sure, of course. And then?”

“And then, the best bit.”

“Which is?”

“My main character, who’s blind-”

“Deaf and dumb, still got all that.”

“-deaf and dumb. Right, sure. Well he…”

“He what?”

“He…”

“If you can’t remember your own-”

“… he discovers… an ancient machine buried deep within the pyramids of Egypt, a machine which, with the right know-how, will allow him to travel back in time and prevent it all from ever happening.”

“ … ”

“Pretty cool, right?”

“Yeah, I mean…”

“Go on?”

“Only the one question.”

“Fire away, Admiral.”

“How did he get to Egypt if the world is overrun with zombies and there are aliens attacking and he’s blind and deaf and dumb?”

“ … ”

“Jack?”

“You’ll have to read it and find out, I guess.”

“Sure, OK. Time travel could work.”

“Really?”

“Yeah sure. Pass it over and I’ll give it a look.”

“Right. OK. I mean that’s great. I just have to make a few last minute edits and I’ll have it to you tomorrow morning.”

“Excellent. I can’t wait.”

“Perhaps the morning after. I’ll let you know.”

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Author: jackkholt

Film graduate. Lover of lots of good films and quite a few bad ones. Reader. Writer. Novel in progress, obviously.

19 thoughts on “Rewrites”

  1. Jack, this put me in mind of Alan Partridge desperately trying to pitch ideas for a new TV show to his commissioning editor and ending up with “Monkey Tennis” and “Smell My Cheese”! Like Partridge, I like the mounting desperation in this for the poor author!

  2. I laughed the entire time, Jack. Sounds like some High school friends and I pitching ideas back and fourth trying to trump each other then having to show instead of tell.I like the flow of dialogue.The pauses and general banter were great, really showed(to me anyway) the fact that the “author” ws pulling ideas out of a hat.That’s what got me.

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